I feel as though perhaps this story has now been hyped up and will be much less exciting then you all may be thinking. But it is certainly crazy to us, and it has been a crazy few weeks.
So you already know the punchline to the story: I am indeed with child. I am due May 13th (ish). And it looks like it will be a GIRL. That makes me right around 17+ weeks.
Here is the story:
A little over a month ago I started having terrible headaches... that would turn to migraines. And would last for days. I was living off of Advil just to make the pain bearable, but it would never fully go away. Migraines are not foreign to me, I do get them occationally. But not for a month at a time. It was starting to really wear on me... to the point where I felt a doctors appointment was necessary. In addition to my headaches, anytime I would lay flat on my back I felt a little bump in my belly. It wasn't in the normal low-belly pregnancy spot, it was up high. But my first thought was "This is how my belly felt when I was pregnant!" But I dismissed the thought, really thinking that was NOT an option and it seemed too high to be a pregnancy. Finally with the lump in my belly, and my headaches Shad decided a doctors visit was now needed. I told him that the last time I had persistent headaches like this was when I was pregnant with Owen. So I was going to take a pregnancy test to completely RULE out pregnancy. So I wouldn't go to the doctor just to have them tell me that I was pregnant... because that seemed embarrassing.
During the boys nap time, I took the home pregnancy test two days before Thanksgiving. Those 2 lines showed up almost immediately. WHAT?? How could I possibly be pregnant?! I haven't had a period since before I had Nathan. I am still nursing him. And Shad and I have been cautious in prevented said pregnancy. How...?? So I took another one. Yup, pregnant. After calling Shad at work in tears, bawling my eyes out how I wasn't ready for this, I was not happy about this, that this wasn't really happening... he convinced me to call the doctor. The phone nurses and I had no way to date this pregnancy... I hadn't any "real" pregnancy symptoms, no time frame of when I "suspected" pregnancy, and no period dates to go by. They had me do blood work the next day only to find out yes, I am knocked up... no we don't know how far along. "Maybe 8-10 weeks based on your hormone levels? But that's a pure guess." They also had me lay down and see if I could feel any bump... I told them yes, and how big and how high it was and they responded with "Well, that sounds like about a 15 week belly!" (Yeah... right)
Next came the ultrasound appointment... the BIGGEST shock of all. We had to wait all Thanksgiving weekend for the ultrasound, because, of course, they were closed. And I was in denial all weekend refusing the acknowledge the fact that I was pregnant, I felt like somehow it wasn't really true until the ultrasound! On the Monday after Thanksgiving we went in for our ultrasound to "date the pregnancy." The ultrasound tech didn't know what to expect, and I'm sure she was expecting the little gummy bear baby (based on her reaction)... but instead she found this:
Shad and I both were speechless, and the ultrasound tech responded with "Well, that's a GOOD sized baby in there! I'd say about 16 weeks!" Again, WHAT!?!?!? There was our little baby moving and squirming around! She measured and looked at our little baby, and asked if we wanted to know gender. I responded with "Well, we might as well rip the whole bandaid at once..." knowing what was coming next: GIRL. I had suspected this since the day I found out I was pregnant. If you know me at all you know that I am TERRIFIED of having girls! I am not sure what this irrational fear has taken over, but for some reason I feel like I wouldn't know what to do with a girl. I've always just pictured us with boys. I've always thought of myself of a mom to BOYS. I've never been the type of mom that has longed for a little girl. Its not that I won't love having a little girl, or that I don't like little girls. I love them! I love shopping for girls, and playing with little girls. And I know that I will absolutely ADORE my little princess. And I'm sure that I will not be able to imagine life without her. It is just the IDEA of having a girl that scares me. I know... it's weird. I am not really sure how to explain it. We have another ultrasound scheduled for December 28th, after the 20 week mark... to DOUBLE check that it's a girl! :)
Anyway, after the ultrasound, I cried the whole way home. It was a lot to take in.
So let's recap, in 6 days time I found out I was pregnant, not only pregnant but 16 weeks pregnant, and having a girl! How could I have gone 4 months not knowing!?! Not even suspecting. 4 MONTHS!?
There you have it. Surprising. Very surprising news.
Looking back it seems like maybe I should have known. Nothing too obvious, I mean I didn't have morning sickness, extreme fatigue, cramping, or lots of baby movement (like I did with Nathan), I didn't look pregnant at 13/14 weeks like I did with the others. It was just a few tiny things, that really could have been put off as something else that added up to pregnant! Like... it wasn't all that Halloween candy and sweets that made me gain weight. That's why the smell of pickles made me salivate (which I normally HATE). That's why I felt like I had to pee a lot. Just little things. Or maybe I was in denial!
It is certainly going to take me some time to get super excited about this. And I know that I will get there. But I wanted to announce it, because I do feel like over the last couple weeks since i've found out I LOOK pregnant now. And it feels like I've been hiding a secret, even if I did JUST find out! Plus it just feels better to get it out there. It will help me get excited! Shad is super excited, and its nice to have someone who is so excited about fatherhood and adding to our family. He has always said that he wanted a bigger family, and he wants them close in age. He is very supportive and has helped me gain much needed perspective on the whole issue. How can I be sad about something that really is a sweet blessing. We knew we wanted more kids eventually, so why not now! :) It has certainly been humbling. I know Heavenly Father has a plan for our family, and I know that this little girl was just too anxious to wait to join our family!
So bring on the...Pink?! Maybe purple instead. ;)