Love

My poor, poor blog. I am still adjusting to having three children, and that means a lot of "me time" is sacrificed. However, being alone with 3 children all day long doesn't fill me with the fear and anxiety it did just two short months ago. We are all still adjusting... which means blog time is cut in half! But... like any other mom out there, would I really have it any other way!? Nope! :)

Our little family on Kaisa's blessing Day... Poor Kaisa crying! :)
But the best family pic we have at the moment! Ha!

However, I am just overwhelmed today with emotions. Mostly of love, joy, happiness, and filled with the spirit. And I just could not let the day pass without letting out some of my feelings on this particular day...

My children are miracles. They are my sweetest blessing. They are my hardest challenge. And nothing has tested my patience, endurance, and faith like motherhood. But I look at each of my sweet little babes, and am so overcome with love for each one. How can I love three little people SO much? How did I get so lucky to be a mother to these three sweet miracles? How did my Heavenly Father choose me to be their mother? I am so undeserving of the unconditional love and trust they have for me. The unyielding faith they have in me daily. They are my world. I am consumed by a world of babies and toddlers. 3 kids, 3 and under. Its insanity.

I have been thinking a lot about love. And how much motherhood has taught me on the topic of love. You think you truly know what love is... and then you have a baby and everything you thought about love is completely changed. The true gospel of Christ and his church comes alive in a way that makes the whole plan of happiness and of eternity come into light. The reason behind families, temples, and the gospel suddenly become clearer. A tiny glimpse of heaven opens up and a small glimpse of what our Heavenly Father and Christ has sacrificed for us is shown through parenthood. And its a trip!

When Shad and I got sealed in the temple almost 7 years ago (7 years on Monday!) I was completely in love with him. I knew I loved him and wanted to spend eternity with him. Fast forward almost 4 years later and Owen is born. And everything I knew about love and happiness changed in just a few days... hours even! Every moment with Owen was so much joy... how could I love anything as much as I love my Owen? When I was pregnant with Nathan I was so afraid that I wouldn't have enough room in my heart to love someone as much... that I would be inadequate to give him that much love. How could he compete? Then suddenly, that instant, that perfect moment when your new baby is placed in your arms your heart explodes with more love than you though possible! Two perfect boys to love. Then Kaisa came... Oh man. I was so afraid of having a little girl. But here she is. So perfect, petite, and beautiful. My happy surprise that I would never take back. I was so smitten with our baby daughter from that first moment. I told Shad that its like the Grinch... my heart grew 3 sizes the day(s) our children were born. You just have enough room to love each one that much. :) How...? I'll never know. It just has shown me how much my Heavenly Father loves me... how much he can love each of us. It has given me a greater understanding of the atonement and the great sacrifice he gave for me. Its just amazing.

I know this is sappy. But there are days where I need to constant reminder of the true miracles that my children are. The days where I want to lock myself in the bathroom and scream and cry. The days where I feel completely inadequate to be a mother. The days where they drive me crazy that I think I won't be able to make it another minute without tossing one out the window! A reminder not to take a single moment for granted. Because it already goes too fast. I blinked and Kaisa turned 2 months old. Just a reminder that life is sweet. I am very blessed. And most of all... I am grateful.

Another attempt... at least she's not crying! :)