Wednesday, July 10, 2013


My poor, poor blog. I am still adjusting to having three children, and that means a lot of "me time" is sacrificed. However, being alone with 3 children all day long doesn't fill me with the fear and anxiety it did just two short months ago. We are all still adjusting... which means blog time is cut in half! But... like any other mom out there, would I really have it any other way!? Nope! :)

Our little family on Kaisa's blessing Day... Poor Kaisa crying! :)
But the best family pic we have at the moment! Ha!

However, I am just overwhelmed today with emotions. Mostly of love, joy, happiness, and filled with the spirit. And I just could not let the day pass without letting out some of my feelings on this particular day...

My children are miracles. They are my sweetest blessing. They are my hardest challenge. And nothing has tested my patience, endurance, and faith like motherhood. But I look at each of my sweet little babes, and am so overcome with love for each one. How can I love three little people SO much? How did I get so lucky to be a mother to these three sweet miracles? How did my Heavenly Father choose me to be their mother? I am so undeserving of the unconditional love and trust they have for me. The unyielding faith they have in me daily. They are my world. I am consumed by a world of babies and toddlers. 3 kids, 3 and under. Its insanity.

I have been thinking a lot about love. And how much motherhood has taught me on the topic of love. You think you truly know what love is... and then you have a baby and everything you thought about love is completely changed. The true gospel of Christ and his church comes alive in a way that makes the whole plan of happiness and of eternity come into light. The reason behind families, temples, and the gospel suddenly become clearer. A tiny glimpse of heaven opens up and a small glimpse of what our Heavenly Father and Christ has sacrificed for us is shown through parenthood. And its a trip!

When Shad and I got sealed in the temple almost 7 years ago (7 years on Monday!) I was completely in love with him. I knew I loved him and wanted to spend eternity with him. Fast forward almost 4 years later and Owen is born. And everything I knew about love and happiness changed in just a few days... hours even! Every moment with Owen was so much joy... how could I love anything as much as I love my Owen? When I was pregnant with Nathan I was so afraid that I wouldn't have enough room in my heart to love someone as much... that I would be inadequate to give him that much love. How could he compete? Then suddenly, that instant, that perfect moment when your new baby is placed in your arms your heart explodes with more love than you though possible! Two perfect boys to love. Then Kaisa came... Oh man. I was so afraid of having a little girl. But here she is. So perfect, petite, and beautiful. My happy surprise that I would never take back. I was so smitten with our baby daughter from that first moment. I told Shad that its like the Grinch... my heart grew 3 sizes the day(s) our children were born. You just have enough room to love each one that much. :) How...? I'll never know. It just has shown me how much my Heavenly Father loves me... how much he can love each of us. It has given me a greater understanding of the atonement and the great sacrifice he gave for me. Its just amazing.

I know this is sappy. But there are days where I need to constant reminder of the true miracles that my children are. The days where I want to lock myself in the bathroom and scream and cry. The days where I feel completely inadequate to be a mother. The days where they drive me crazy that I think I won't be able to make it another minute without tossing one out the window! A reminder not to take a single moment for granted. Because it already goes too fast. I blinked and Kaisa turned 2 months old. Just a reminder that life is sweet. I am very blessed. And most of all... I am grateful.

Another attempt... at least she's not crying! :) 


Chelsea said...

What a beautiful family and a great post! I could relate to so many things you wrote about. You are such a wonderful mom. Isn't this motherhood thing quite the journey?!

Rachel said...

Well said.
And I totally understand about blogging with 3 kids. It is a challenge...there is jut not enough time in the day.

Kambria said...

I love this post. So true and such a good reminder of gratitude. Love you two and my Nieces and Nephews ;)

Camille said...

You are such a sweet mother and your children are beautiful. I'm sad we missed Kaisa's blessing day. She looks beautiful in her dress. I'm so glad you got a little girl!

Unknown said...

I love this. It's so wonderful to hear other mothers put into words exactly what you are feeling. Granted I only have the one, but so it truly is amazing how much your concept of love changes. I wonder all the time how I could possibly have more children and love them just as much. My heart might burst :) I've also never really considered myself a religious person, more spiritual, but I can honestly say having a child has developed and strengthened that part of my life as well. They truly are little miracles, and in our case, surprise blessings :) that I don't know how I lived without! That alone feels like I was choosen to be her mother, she was meant to be mine and it's a feeling unlike any other. Thanks for finding the time to share your thoughts, I enjoy reading them. I can't even do a blog and I only have 1 kid, not sure how you have any time at all ;)

Rosalie said...

Thank you for sharing! It is truly amazing how your heart can grow for each child you bring into the world. I am so happy you know to be grateful for them and the gospel! I am grateful to have you in our family! I am grateful for Shad being a good husband and father!!! Love you all!